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As a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, mostly enjoyable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I was in a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, but I never felt completely content, because I felt neither loved nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin seeing a potential partner, when the initial excitement fades, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners once more.

Reflecting on the Feasibility of Monogamy

I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, often resulting in significant pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I want another man to care for me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I feel a bit lost.

Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle various forms of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need in your current state may well change down the road; eventually you might become less ambivalent and find some clarity and a suitable route … or not. One day you might meet a person offering a life-changing chance to you by reflecting what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that non-committal encounters are best for you. Worrying about what lies ahead and engaging in endless speculation is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the value of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. When and if the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with one partner, it will be clear.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a American therapy professional who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.